Bye Bye Bullying.

The strongest oak of the forest is
Not the one that is protected from
The storm and hidden from the sun.
It’s the one that stands in the open
Where it is compelled to struggle
For its existence against the winds
And rains and the scorching sun.
—Napoleon Hill 

Each day, 10-year-old Seth asked his mom for more and more lunch money. Yet he seemed skinnier than ever and came home from school hungry. It turned out that Seth was handing his lunch money to a fifth-grader, who was threatening to beat him up if he didn\"t pay.

Identifying Bullying

Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it\"s not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop.

Bullying is intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways. It can range from hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats, and mocking to extorting money and possessions. Some kids bully by shunning others and spreading rumours about them. Others use social media or electronic messaging to taunt others or hurt their feelings.

What can possibly be more stressful than learning that your child is being bullied at school? Your natural protective instincts kick in. You want the bully (or bullies) dealt with, now. You’re focused on making it stop before the situation gets any worse. But, what’s the best way to go forward?

The How and Why? 

Bullies seek a fast-moving environment to intimidate their victims. Reduced adult supervision in the school  areas sets the stage for quick interactions that are difficult to track. The types of bullying that happen in these situations include insults and name-calling, as well as physical actions such as pushing, shoving, or tripping. 

The “why” of bullying is a complicated topic however kids bully for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim — someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or just acts or appears different in some way — to feel more important, popular, or in control. 

Sometimes kids torment others because that\"s the way they\"ve been treated. They may think their behavior is normal because they come from families or other settings where everyone regularly gets angry and shouts or calls each other names. 

Signs of Bullying

Unless your child tells you about bullying — or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be difficult to figure out if it\"s happening.

But there are some warning signs. Parents might notice kids acting differently or seeming anxious, or not eating, sleeping well, or doing the things they usually enjoy. When kids seem moodier or more easily upset than usual, or when they start avoiding certain situations (like taking the bus to school), it might be because of a bully.

 

Here’s how to get started

•Listen: give your child your full attention and consider talking in a quiet space. Ask your child simple questions, then listen to the answers. Try saying things like, ‘So what happened next?’ and ‘What did you do then?’

•Stay calm: this is a chance to show your child how to solve problems. If you feel angry or anxious, wait until you feel calm before you talk with your child or others.

•Summarise the problem: you could say something like, ‘So you were sitting on your own eating your lunch. Then Sam took your lunch box and threw it across the playground’.

•Let your child know it’s natural and OK to feel upset: you could say something like, ‘No wonder you’re feeling so sad about this’.

•Make sure your child knows it’s not their fault.

If your child is being bullied, get the help of your child’s teacher and school as quickly as you can.

The next step is showing your child that you care and will help:

•Agree that there’s a problem: for example, ‘It’s not OK for someone to treat you like that’.

•Praise your child: Praise will encourage your child to keep sharing problems with you. For example, ‘I’m really pleased that you’ve told me about this’.

•Make it clear that you’ll help: for example, ‘It sounds like things haven’t been so good. Let’s think about some things we could do to make it better’.

•Avoid negative comments: it won’t help to say things like, ‘You need to stand up for yourself’ or ‘You poor thing. Never mind, you can stay home’.

Taking the matter to the School

Then comes  talking with your child’s classroom teacher. Your child’s teacher will be trained in spotting and handling bullying and can work with you to prevent further bullying.

Also, your child needs to know that you’re working on the problem, so make sure that you tell your child you’ll talk to the teacher about it. Here’s how to work with your child’s classroom teacher to stop bullying:

•Make a time to speak privately with the teacher.

•Calmly present your concerns as a joint issue for you both to deal with. 

•Discuss the problem with the teacher. Ask for the teacher’s views. You could also ask for a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policies and procedures.

•Be assertive, not angry or accusatory. For example, ‘Yes, children do tease sometimes. But I don’t agree this was just teasing. I think it’s more serious’.

•End the meeting with a plan for how the situation will be managed.

•Keep in touch with the teacher.

What your child can do to handle bullying

• Ignore it and think about moving away if the bullying continues:

• Tell the person doing the bullying to stop:

• Avoid high-risk places

• Stay around other people

•Ask other children for help 

•Tell the teacher. 

Supporting your child at home

Your child needs a lot of support and love at home while you and the classroom teacher work on stopping the bullying at school.

You could aim to have a time each day when you chat with your child about the good and bad parts of the day. Rather than always asking about bullying, you can ask more general questions like ‘What was the most fun part of your day?’ This is how you can contribute in your child’s life while he is facing troubles.