Does your child avoids going out ?

Social Anxiety ! 

When fear of how you appear gets in the way of functioning

Twelve-year-old Girl says she wants to be friends with two kids in her class, but she “freezes” every time they ask her to join them.

Fifteen-year-old Boy loves to build things and can spend hours in his room making mechanical toys. He’s  been invited to join the Robotics Club but absolutely refuses to go.

Do any of these kids sound like your child? If so, it’s not uncommon. Many children and adults worry excessively about social interactions. This is especially true during adolescence.

Social anxiety isn’t limited to avoiding fun-sounding activities. It can also play a big role in kids refusing to go to school.

What is Social Anxiety Disorder ? 

Social Anxiety Disorder is the third most common mental health condition. It’s a pernicious disorder. Someone, some thing, or some idea has infected your child’s thought processes to convince him/her  that he is  not as good as other people.  A child with social anxiety disorder feels inferior to other people, although this is not true rationally.  

It should be noted from the beginning that nothing about social anxiety is rational.   But very few children are taught to be critical thinkers and to ask questions of themselves.  The more a person learns to ask "Why?" and search for empirical evidence, the less likely they\"ll be able to get caught in traps like social anxiety disorder.

Recognising  the “silent disorder”

Social anxiety disorder is sometimes called a silent disorder because it can affect children for years before it is diagnosed. As children grow and mature, they learn how to avoid being the focus of attention at school or home; as a result, their extreme discomfort in social situations can go unnoticed.

Because children with social phobia are generally content and compliant around home, and because parents do not receive reports of misbehaviour at school, many families fail to recognise a problem until their child is already withdrawn from activities and peers. By this point, the child may be experiencing extreme isolation and falling behind developmentally and academically.

Effects of SAD on children : 

•Social anxiety disorder (SAD), or social phobia, can have a crippling effect on young people. Children with SAD can become tweens who withdraw from extracurricular activities, and then teens who experience isolation and depression.

•In fact, children with social anxiety disorder are more likely than their peers without SAD to develop depression by age 15 and substance abuse by age 16 or 17.

•As they head toward adulthood, young people with social anxiety disorder tend to choose paths that require less involvement with other people, and so cut short a lot of opportunities. 

•This fear can affect work, school, and  other day-to-day activities. It can even make it hard to make and keep friends.

Parents can help prevent social phobia from taking hold by being attuned to warning signs and symptoms. These questions highlight warning signs:

•Is a child uncomfortable speaking to teachers or peers?

•Does he or she avoid eye contact, mumble or speak quietly when addressed by other people?

•Does a child blush or tremble around other people?

•Does a young child cry or throw a tantrum when confronted with new people?

•Does a child express worry excessively about doing or saying something “stupid”?

•Does a child or teen complain of stomachaches and want to stay home from school, field trips or parties?

•Is he or she withdrawing from activities and wanting to spend more time at home?

If a parent observes these signs, a doctor or mental health professional can help evaluate the child and determine if the disorder is present.

Helping children with social anxiety

The best way to help your child with SAD  is to use PACE MODEL.

PACE Therapeutic Parenting is a model of care which helps support and form secure attachments with children and young people who may have experienced difficulties in early life. PACE stands for Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy. The model was developed by Dan Hughe. He introduced PACE as a way of building a child’s sense of trust and safety.

•Playfulness : Being playful together helps the bond between the two of you grow. It will create  a positive environment which will further help you in initiating the talk with your child. Spending quality time with your child will let your child know about your concern towards him and he too will be comfortable sharing his worries with you. 

• Acceptance : Actively communicating to the child that you accept the wishes, feelings, thoughts, urges,  perceptions that are underneath the outward behavior. It is about accepting, without judgment or evaluating his inner life. The child’s inner life simply is; it is not right or wrong. The parent may be very firm in limiting behavior while at the same time accepting the behavior.

• Curiosity: Curiosity is wondering about the meaning behind the behaviour for the child. Curiosity lets the child know that the parents understand. Curiosity must be communicated without annoyance about the behaviour. Being curious can, for example, include an attitude of being sad rather than angry when the child makes a mistake.

• Empathy : It lets the child feel the parents’ compassion for him. Being empathic means the parents  actively showing the child that the child’s inner life is important to them and they want to be with the child in his hard times.

By sharing his experiences, “your child is not giving you hard time but he is having hard time.”