Parent Child Relationship

Doubtful regarding whether your parents would understand you or not ? 

Are you suffering from “The Blame Game” ? 

WHY WE FEEL MISUNDERSTOOD

Often, when we feel overwhelmed in our day to day lives, we wish to share our feelings, thoughts and perspectives with people who are part of our lives like firstly with our parents. We share these for several reasons – to feel validated, to find an emotional release, to ‘sort things out’ as we speak, and so on.

Underlying many of these reasons is the need to be understood. However, sometimes it feels like they have misunderstood us, or have not completely understood. The feeling of being constantly misunderstood by people close to us can deeply impact us.

How it feels to be misunderstood? 

Despite repeated attempts to share feelings, if our parents or any dear ones you feel like sharing with don’t seem to understand, it can make you feel helpless, impatient, and angry at the listener. You may even wonder if they are putting enough effort to understand you. This could leave you with a deep sense of hurt and resentment, stirring up a sense of loneliness. Eventually, you may even stop trying to explain.

As things get piled under the carpet, a sense of disconnect with others may grow. Ironically, you may push people away, while needing them to understand you at the same time. This could harm relationships with significant persons, by confusing and scaring them.

For all the Children out there who feel being misunderstood while communicating with their parents must take care of the below listed points.

•Create a friendlier environment to talk to your parents. Make yourself feel calm before initiating a conversation with them. Don’t be aggressive in the midst of conversation. 

• Choice of right words is very essential. Know what to speak. Use of harsh or rude words will ruin everything. 

• Try to be as polite as you can. It will make your parents believe that you really need them to listen you. 

• Don’t rush things. There are some matters which takes time to be solved. Or sometimes parents need time to be convinced by you. 

• Feel free to communicate with them. They are your parents after all , so you won’t be judged. 

• Try considering their point of view too. Respect them. They have more experience in life. So whatever they guide you for, will be for your betterment. 

• Don’t compare the parenting style of your parents with any of the others. This might demotivate them to listen you. 

Not just the children but the parents too need to take care of some points before they conclude that their children hardly listen to them. 

•Don’t just be a parent

Think of creative ways to show your child that h/she is a source of love and laughter in your life. A solid parent-child relationship has many dimensions to it. A parent has to assume multiple roles, that of a guide, mentor, friend, confidant!

•Treat your kid like an adult

‘When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not to join their chaos.”

~L.R. Knost

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

•Listen, process, understand, share, and resolve.

Really listen to what the problem is with an open mind.

Before you do anything else, process all the information that has been shared.

Now, look at it not just from an adult’s perspective but from a child’s perspective as well. This will allow you to understand better.

•If the issue is still unresolved. Instead of imposing your will on the child, come up with a bunch of options that are acceptable to you. Let your child pick one.

Now, your child realises that h/she has been heard. They know you did your best to understand, and out of a list of acceptable options, they have been given THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE.

•Be mindful of your words and actions

Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.

~Brooke Hampton

Your child sees and hears more than you know. Anytime you are around your child, you should be extremely mindful of your words.

•Don’t compare

A child is dependent on his parents for love and support. When parents compare their child to someone else, the child takes it to mean that they have to be a certain way to earn their parents’ affection.

Basically, it makes your love conditional on your child meeting a certain standards.

•Build Trust

Hugs, shared Adventure, and conversations!You need all three elements for a solid relationship.

Promote open communication. Create a judgement-free zone. If your kid shares something with you and tells you not to tell the other parents, maintain the child’s confidence.

Conclusion

Today’s society has rendered children more vulnerable than ever. Psychology is doing its best to help, but the need is for parent’s to really keep their head in the game.

More importantly, parents have to keep their authority aside and reach their kids on a different level, not as a parent but as a friend.

Please, work on establishing a relationship conducive to the mutual exchange of confidences. The only way to do that is to build unshakeable trust and allow your child to see you as flawed.

When children stop seeing their parents as some perfect being, they find it easier to share their own mistakes and emotional upheaval.