This is why your child refuses to listen you !

 Why your child doesn’t listens to you ? 

First off, it is going to be okay. This is natural for this stage of the life of a child. Joseph Shrand, M.D., said, “Instead, take a step back and recognise that your child isn’t purposely trying to undermine you — he’s just acting his age,”

From time to time most children defy the wishes of their parents. This is a part of growing up and testing adult guidelines and expectations. It is one way for children to learn about and discover their own selves, express their individuality, and achieve a sense of autonomy. As they stretch their independent wings and engage in minor conflicts with their parents, they discover the boundaries of their parents\" rules and of their own self-control. Just because your child isn\"t listening to you doesn\"t mean they don\"t feel close to you. 

Sometimes, however, these conflicts are more than occasional disturbances and become a pattern for how parents and children interact. Disobedience can have a variety of causes. At times, it is due to unreasonable parental expectations. Or it might be related to the child\"s temperament, or to school problems, family stress, or conflicts between his parents.

Examine the Behavior

So your child has begun to ignore you and you’ve become confused. To detect the reason behind his disobedience we are going to examine the situation.

Let’s start at home for clues. Examine what you are doing. Do you allow your child to share their thoughts? Do you have an atmosphere where your child feels safe? Do you listen him ? Do you consider him as an individual ? 

Are you restricting their movements ? 

We are trying to protect them by saying “No climbing,” “No running,” “No spinning,” “That’s too dangerous,” and “Get down from there!”

However, research shows that the drastic decline in “risky” outdoor play in kids is creating behavior problems. By constantly hovering over kids, restricting their movement, and diminishing their time to play, we are causing more harm than good. Hence their energy which needed to be channelised through plays is getting accumulated in their mind in the form of frustration which in turn is channelised on his parents. 

Hormonal changes during adolescence 

Teens may become rebellious in an attempt to show parents that they can think for themselves. They may break the rules on purpose and try to show their parents  that they can’t be forced to do things they don’t want to do.

Putting too much of “Why’s” in everything u speak ? 

Do you often ask some version of “why?” in response to almost all of your child’s emotional outbursts. What’s the matter? Why are you crying? Why do you feel sad?

In our worst moments, “why” can become a parent’s accusation. Why did you break all your toys? Why didn’t you remember to water the plants? Why did you do that to your sister?

These kinds of why questions put children in an impossible position. They either identify as inadequate or start getting defensive, placing blame on others. Neither position helps children solve their problems.

Resolving this matter 

• Friendlier Environment:

A home environment should make everyone feel happy and safe. A child should be confident talking to his parents. His confidence depends upon much time you give to him; how patiently you listen him; how far you consider his point of view. 

• Encourage them with their decisions :

For how long you will be deciding for your child ? Yes , you know better for what’s better  for your child but you need to teach him the difference between good and bad too. So let him decide for his own. And make him strong enough to face the consequences. 

• Turning off the “Why” :

Change your way of talking. Rather then asking “ Why are you sad ?” try saying “ I can sense you are sad; I am here for you. You can share with me.” Instead of questioning; try to rationalise .   

 

• Avoid Nagging :

Too much of nagging will demotivate your child. He will feel useless or good for nothing. It will make him prefer solitude than sitting with family. He will avoid you in order to avoid nagging which you throw on him. 

• Be patient to your adolescent:

Your adolescent child is facing too much. He is tangled in his own struggles which can be emotional or social. Be his true friend and make him believe that you are always there for him no matter what. Try to understand him. 

• Don’t threaten or explode:

“Warning children, ‘You better be good,’ is too broad and general a message,” Assuming a child should know what we want, not being clear about what we expect in advance, and setting unrealistic limits will lead to frustration.

That leaves the door open for reacting in anger or in an overly emotional way.