Does your child really needs to be punished ?

Is giving punishment Okie or Not ? 

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?” –Jane Nelsen

There are many myths related to parenting, but perhaps the biggest myth is that punishment changes the behavior of children.

No one wants to raise children who don’t listen. When our children defy us, we want to stop their bad behaviour as fast as possible.

And when we punish children, we typically see the behaviour stop.

When we achieve our desired outcome temporarily, all seems well.

And the next time when our child misbehaves we punish him again. We repeat our behavior the same way our child do. This reoccurrence of his misbehaviour is because we didn’t replaced his misbehaviour into the acceptable one! We usually forget that change in behaviour can’t be done in just one go but takes time. 

Do You know why you repeat your behaviour of punishing your child every time ? 

Because Punishment is the easiest form of communication with your children — they do something that you don’t like and you do something that they don’t like in return, no negotiations and no explanations. This could be really tempting since it doesn’t take any effort from your side, but this is definitely not the right way of raising a happy and healthy person.

The impact your laziness is making on your child!

•Punishment actually encourages children to lie and avoid punishment rather than avoiding the behaviour you are trying to stop.

•Punishment does not teach alternative behaviour or give a student practice at using more appropriate behaviour. It only reduces inappropriate behaviour as long as the punishment remains in place. For example: If you ground your child for using foul language. As soon as the grounding period finishes the usage of foul language will most likely resume.

•Punishment doesn’t model the desired behavior. It  does not offer the child information about more appropriate behaviours that should occur instead. Like you slap your child for using foul language. This would do no any good. Instead you should focus on ways to help him avoid using such words and replacing them with good words. 

•It affects your child’s mental health:   “My parents don’t love me and there must be something wrong with me.” Even if you do not intend to make your child feel like this, your punishment does it anyway. It’s no wonder that this can damage the mental health of your offspring.

What can you do instead of punishing them ? 

First of all rationalise why your child misbehaved ! Don’t make the proverb go right which says, “They will watch how you reacted but ignore what triggered you!” 

Find out the reasons for their misbehaviour. Just talk to your kids when they’re in a good mood and ask them why they behave in that particular way. There could be a good reason for their behavior, and, most likely, your children will be ready to share it with you, but only if you’re ready to listen to them. And after they share, work on their problem. 

There is so much possibility that your child tries to get attention by whining or complaining; when they do so, don’t give it to them. Look the other way, pretend you can\"t hear them and don\"t respond. Then, when they ask nicely or behave, return your attention to them. Over time, they will learn that polite behavior is the best way to get their needs met.  

Embrace the good in them: Prevent behavior problems by catching your child being good.  For example, when they are playing nicely with their siblings, point it out. Say, “You are doing such a good job sharing and taking turns today.”

“Defend them in public, correct them in private.” This will let your child know that you really care for him and stand by him. 

Set the rules together: If your child continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. Decide how many times your child can misbehave before a punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be seen before it is rewarded. 

“Discipline is helping a child solve a problem. Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem. To raise problem solvers focus on solutions, not retribution.”